On taking time
I recently went back to Colorado with a group of my fun, gorgeous, creative, SINGLE girlfriends.
I highlight SINGLE because this word sparked the inspiration for this blog.
We live in an interesting time when online dating is the new way of meeting people and meeting a partner organically is almost obsolete. My gypsy vintage girl gang are stuck between a rock and a hard place because we’re all sitting on the cusp of an era of social media and online dating however we all grew up without any of this.
Our first loves were our high school sweethearts and at some point or another over the last decade we all broke up with lovers due to timing (not good or bad, just timing). Tis is life. We shared these stories on our long car drive winding through the golden Aspen trees and after our long weekend spent exploring, dining and ultimately diving into each others souls, I had a better understanding of our group as a whole. And maybe even myself.
Here we are, all between the ages of 31 and 33 and single. All young, intelligent, funny, creative, deep, spiritual, powerful, beautiful WOMEN. Some may cringe, feel sad for us, worry for us and hey, maybe even we’ve felt like this as friends and family members are getting married and having babies. What I came to realize on our last night as we sat around a round table at the classic J bar in Aspen (all dressed immaculately might I add) is that our singleness isn’t sad, we’re not lost, we’re not on the wrong path and we sure as hell don’t need anyone feeling bad for us. It’s not like we’ve all been cursed and can’t find a man to save our lives, no, not at all. In fact, it’s the opposite.
Our pockets and hearts are deep with wealth. Experienced it all. Sampled and tasted the world, tried things on, worn through jeans. Broken ankles and maybe a couple of hearts. Learned hard lessons and have come out stronger than ever. We are not men haters or hardcore feminists but lovers, caregivers and gypsy women to the core.
What all four of us have in common (among many other things) is that we all CHOSE this path. We all made a decision to leave the “safety” of what may have been a comfortable relationship to go learn more about who we are, what we want and simply expose ourselves to vulnerability which undoubtedly encourages growth. Not on the hunt for something “better” but knowing we wanted MORE from this life and a partner. We all had the desire to run our own businesses, stand on our own feet and make a name for ourselves. Not to say you can’t do that with a partner because I think if you find the right person, you can do whatever you want and the relationship will work as a support system.
These choices may not have been the easiest at the time but they define who we are today. And maybe these choices were even forced upon us and that was even more of a reason to chase our dreams and truly understand who we are as people. As women. As individuals.
What I learned and now have the utmost appreciation for was without making these decisions and following our gut instincts and if we hadn’t put the work in, we wouldn’t be the women we are today. We wouldn’t have had the conversations we had and will continue to have. We shared knowledge and opinions that were thought provoking, powerful, meaningful, fulfilling, challenging and deeper than many conversations I have had in a long time.
Instead of putting our focus on relationships, we have sought out spiritual practices, started our dream businesses, travelled the world, opened stores, learned new tricks, moved cities, started over and developed as characters. Our experiences have shaped us, pushed us into tight corners, forced us to grow beyond our limits and ask WHY.
This weekend moved mountains for me emotionally and allowed me to find peace in my heart. These women are my teachers.They will find their ‘person’. They will show up in a relationship as a whole human, knowing their own triggers, flaws, their worth and they won’t compromise their value. We will be ready, willing and open because there will be no wondering “what if.” I know we will be beautiful mothers and make the most magnificent partners.
I wanted to share this movement because I want people to know it’s OK to be where you are now. To look back on your time spent and decisions made and know you can trust them. Believe in yourself in knowing what you did back then was what you needed to do to become the you that you are now. Be inspired by your past, not daunted by it. It has given you the tools you needed to be the person you are now.
I personally know that I am an absorber. I love learning new things so I am always seeking. This is just part of who I am but learning that I can be content with what I’m doing now whilst taking on new skills, loving one individual and growing from the people I surround myself with. But I have only come to this place and understanding through my past decisions and following that little feeling in my gut.
So trust your path.
Take your time.