There’s been so much noise lately.
Standing still in the most quiet forest and nothing but the sound of trees falling.
I woke up on Monday morning, the morning of the full moon, the equinox, libra at zero, with tears in my eyes. News of death, of new life, a full inbox of heart break, divorce and friends in heart break. It’s a time. A shift. A big one. The opportunity to do some work, help others, lean in, go hard. I meditated in bed, sobbing silently in peace thinking about the lives lost in New Zealand and the recent news of my dear friend and mentor Annie from Aspen. I grabbed my heart so hard hoping to sooth the sadness of the world. After an hour of silence, the thought that stuck with me was the idea of pillars…
I pulled a card once in deck of tarot cards that was the sign of “pillars”. This picture in my head of all these large totem poles surrounding a man. I was told that there needs to be change in my life but one of these pillars has to fall down in order for me to move through and I couldn’t force it. Since then, I’ve been so aware of these pillars…
Pillars that we’ve built up around us to protect ourselves. Maybe they’ve been there since day one, probably placed there to serve us at some point, due to something we learned along the way, we kept them there. We place positive pillars like family, friends, guiding angels to hold us but we also put beliefs there that become habits, rituals and routine here.
And often times, over time, they harm us. But like all storms brewing, you can’t stop them from coming down, you can only prepare for them as much as we can. When they hit, they hit hard like a tree crashing into your home that shatters your world, but they clear out the shit and make way for new beginnings. It’s messy and hard. You literally have to pick up all the pieces of yourself (the broken pillar), see it, make peace with it, bleed out on the floor and clean up because no one else is going to do it for you. It’s part of the process that you have to trust. Trust that there’s good things coming, trust that this will make you better, that you’re ok, trust that you’re not broken forever and with death comes LIFE.
Most people don’t take this time to look at their lives, take a look deep in the mirror and reflect and make room for new. I feel lucky I’ve been taught how to do this. To have had the support to learn how to to do this work. To know it’s only going to bring me to another level.
I can’t help but think so many people must be hearing the noise around them and may be feeling so confused by it all. Maybe not knowing what to do with the raging world but my best advice is to sit with it.
Trust that everything is happening as it should be. This work can be so ugly that it’s hard to see the light but I promise you that you will. It comes to show you signs, to show you your shadows and you can work through these things to get better outcomes. That it’s a blessing to feel so deep.
Take so many deep breaths and walk through the open door to the light.
x x x